Marriage

The decision for me to pursue Lyndsey to be my wife was easy. She is one of the most attractive people I have ever met, as well as smart, joyful, and generous. I also love that she is an independent, critical thinker, not afraid to challenge and correct me when needed. Through God’s Word and in relationship with Lyndsey, I have learned that God desires to accomplish many things in and through our marriages. There, God encourages us to:

  • enjoy our spouses (including emotional and physical intimacy).

  • bring children into the world and raise them to love God (though many married couples struggle with infertility and other challenges related to their children).

  • grow into Christlike character.

  • serve one another and others.

  • help one another and others to know God through Jesus Christ.

  • display to the world a picture of the relationship between Jesus and the church (Eph. 5:22–33).

  • worship and enjoy God.

Before I got married, I would have mentioned a number of these purposes, but I had much to learn about putting my love, both for God and for Lyndsey, into practice. Below I list resources that will help you think about marriage from God’s perspective as revealed in the Bible.

The Love List by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott (1): This book does not establish a biblical foundation for marriage as Christians. However, the Parrotts help married couples to express their love for one another intentionally and regularly. A light, highly-practical read that will encourage you to think of other ways to express love for your spouse, like praying for and with one another consistently.

*You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan (1): If I could recommend only one book on Christian marriage, this would be it. Warm, balanced, biblical.

Desperate Marriages by Gary Chapman (1 or 2): The author helps us understand many of the destructive patterns in marriage, such as a spouse’s irresponsibility, workaholism, and abuse (whether verbal or physical). This book does not take a simplistic approach to these challenges, but it does prompt us to take appropriate action, such as being more open and honest with our church family and seeing a counselor if need be.

The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler with Jared C. Wilson (2): This book covers the relational spectrum from initial attraction, to the wedding, to persevering (i.e., not giving up) in marriage. Chandler outlines a Christian vision of marriage with great clarity and authenticity. To read of his wife’s tenacious, tender love for him in chapter eight (“I’m Not Going Anywhere”) was particularly inspiring for me.

Loving Him Well by Gary Thomas (2): This book offers advice to wives who want to influence their husbands, so they can be all God intended them to be. For example, Thomas outlines how it is possible to show respect and courage in the face of his anger, while simultaneously protecting oneself. He also provides wives with practical advice to help their husbands overcome pornography. Men would benefit from reading this book, for it helps us to see marriage through our wives’ eyes.

*Marriage and the Family by Andreas Köstenberger with David W. Jones (3): Before we got married, Lyndsey and I read the longer version (4) of this book (in an earlier edition), and we are glad we did. The authors help us to think biblically about topics such as marriage in the Bible, marriage and sex, and divorce and remarriage. You may find some of this information a bit heavy, but your effort and investment will be worth it.