Parenting

A crucible is a container into which people put metals or other materials, which are then heated to extremely high temperatures. One way that we use crucibles is to liquefy precious metals to separate the impurities, and then we skim them off the top.

Parenting might be the hottest crucible of them all—bringing our own character flaws to the surface in the purifying fires. And when we experience hardship with our children, we have one of two choices. Either we seek to honor God in the midst of the challenge, which refines our character in the process, or we try to escape the heat, such as pulling away from our children emotionally or turning to “secret” sins to relieve our discomfort.

As a parent of four children, I fail and I succeed. For example, when I am tired and anxious, the last thing I want to do is help Lyndsey with the bedtime circus hour, so, at times, I am emotionally-distant and grumpy. On the other hand, there are times when God helps me to respond well. Without sharing details, one of my children has been dealing with a significant problem that is years in the making, and it is the biggest source of pain and confusion in my own life. I entered my own counseling and began to open up to my friends to a greater extent about this situation. I knew that if we were going to get through this challenge as a family, I needed to be a better husband for Lyndsey and a better dad for all four of our children. In this case, God gets all the glory for enabling me to reach out for help.

Through the highs and lows of parenting, below are my favorite resources.

*Awana: Use this link to find an Awana program near you. Not only will your child(ren) enjoy learning about God’s Word at the group meetings, but it will give you practical strategies to talk about the Christian faith; for example, as you complete the homework together.

Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Became Parents by Gary Chapman with Shannon Warden (1 or 2): This is not a book that focuses on caring for newborns or the like. Instead, Chapman outlines twelve broad truths that prepare you for bringing children into the home, including establishing boundaries for your children, apologizing when you are wrong, and developing your marriage. Practical, time-tested wisdom.

Set Free to Choose Right by Josh McDowell (1): The author provides excellent guidance for how to equip children to make godly choices—by turning to Scripture and, therefore, to God himself.

*Family Discipleship by Matt Chandler & Adam Griffin (2): “The most important, and the most difficult disciple a parent will make is within their own home. Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin help families develop a sustainable rhythm of gospel-centered discipleship through a guided framework focusing on moments of discipleship in 3 key areas: time, moments, and milestones.”

*Equipping for Life by by Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger (2 or 3): To my knowledge, this is the best overview of parenting from a Christian perspective. It is not light reading, like so many parenting handbooks and “how-to” guides. But the authors help us establish a biblical and theological foundation of parenting for the rest of our lives.

*Parenting by Paul David Tripp (2): The author outlines fourteen principles for parenting that are balanced and biblical. The Köstenbergers’ (see above) and Tripp outline the ideals to which Christian parents aspire.

*The Life & Faith Guide for Parents by Joe Carter (2): This book helps you learn so that you can (in the words of Carter’s subtitle) “help your kids learn practical life skills, develop essential faith habits, and embrace a biblical worldview.” The author’s writing is so clear and accessible, but his approach to parenting requires us to work in order to become a student as a means to becoming a teacher.

A Neglected Grace by Jason Helopoulos (2): This book is a comprehensive introduction to family worship and is filled with suggestions for how to make your home a God-centered, Word-centered environment.

The Life We Never Expected by Andrew and Rachel Wilson (2): The subtitle of this book is “Hopeful Reflections on the Challenges of Parenting Children with Special Needs.” And the Wilsons provide that. However, this book is for all of us, because they show us how to persevere in our love for God and for those we love, one challenging step at a time. Through it all, “God is the Captain…the navigator, mapmaker, and expert” (p. 148). They encourage us to trust God and look to what is unseen. I have such profound respect and appreciation for this couple, but ultimately I am left with a deeper appreciation of God, who provided Jesus in our greatest moment of need (Mark 10:45; Rom. 5:8).

Give Them Jesus by Dillon T. Thornton (2 or 3): This is an excellent book to accompany A Neglected Grace (see above), because it provides a detailed outline of both what to teach our children and how to teach them.

A Practical Guide to Culture by John Stonestreet and Brett Kunkle (2 or 3): The authors call us to learn about modern-day pressures facing our children, and they equip us to talk to our children with wisdom and courage. They take topics head on, such as pornography, “the hookup culture,” sexual orientation, and affluence and consumerism.